Kneeling at the foot of the cross?

Another one from Charlie Hall

Song of the Redeemed
We sing it in the darkest place?Cause love is in Your powerful name?Shine the light of beauty and grace?We’re living in the name that can save
We sing to You the song of the redeemed??You’ve beautified our hearts and made us clean?You’ve rescued us from death and set us free?We sing to You the song of the redeemed
?We adore You and before You,?forgiven  and  redeemed?All races from all places, around the cross we sing

I haven’t forgotten about this blog.

I have been struggling a lot lately with things and struggling with if I should talk about them on the blog. Here are kind of my issues in my mind:
• This is my blog. This is a PERSONAL Blog.
• The blog is meant to document MY walk with Christ. This includes the ups and downs. The wins, the losses, the battles that I fight.
• This blog is also about the areas where I struggle and the process I use to solve those struggles.
• This blog is about being a person who struggles with self-esteem, suicidal ideation and depression and how my Christian walk is influenced by those plagues of the devil.
• This blog is also a place for people to discuss Biblical concepts and gain more understanding about Christ.
• What I do not want this to be is a constant whine and complaints about my personal life.
• The blog will be a potpourri of subjects to glorify God.
• I worship the God of relationships! God wants to know what is in my heart. I don’t know if I can say the same for my fellow man.
• I write this blog for God, to enhance my relationship with God, to glorify God.
• If people read this, I hope they are able to take something away from what I write. Not “poor Todd”. Maybe just maybe I can give someone out their an idea that will make a difference in their life. A way to enhance their relationship with the Lord or whatever.

My point being that i write this blog for two reasons. First and foremost is to document the changes that God makes in me and the things that I learn from him. I am in the process of being transformed. I struggle with this process. Sometimes I feel that Christians don’t want to talk about the struggles outside their own family or family group. So to an outsider they look like they never struggle. I don’t have that luxury. My family is not saved. I don’t get along with them very well. I also have few very close friends and always am very conscious and very concern about being a burden to them. There probably are other people who feel the way that I do.

What am I saying? I am saying my blog is going to be a potpourri of different aspects of my life, everything from what I am personally struggling with to new aspects of my relationship with our Lord, to philosophical discussions about life and our relationship with the Lord. God wants a personal relationship with us. It is going to be whatever the Lord brings in to my heart…

Patrick Mead talks about how the Poetry section is the PDR (Physicians Desk Reference) of the Bible. His point being is that section of the Bible shows that God is fully aware of how “squirrelly we are and how we swing from one mood to another based on a wide variety of internals and externals”.

King David didn’t just write the good stuff about his life. David questions, argues, feels hopeless, is angry, sins, redeems himself in his writings. No matter what he writes he shows his faith and glorifies God. I don’t claim to be anything close to King David in stature, relationship to God or writing skill. But I do feel that it shows that it is ok for me to write about these things.

We Christians live in the world but are not suppose to be a part of it. I try to separate myself from the world, sometimes I feel Satan grabs my leg, pulls and slams me back down into the world. Most times though I jump back into the world, more comfortable with sin than the eternal way.

This is the battle, and of this is what I write…

Lyrics from Charlie Hall:

I Will Overcome!
And I can see that my hands are trembling, I can see that my legs are weak
I can see that my head is spinning, but I will overcome
And I know that my heart is hurting, And I know that my soul it aches
And I know that it seems I’m failing, but I will overcome, yeah

Chorus:
O Lord I’m strong in You, O Lord I am wise in You
O Lord I can see in You, so I will overcome
O Lord I’m loved by You, O Lord I am free in you
O Lord I’m complete in You
So I will overcome, I will overcome, I will overcome

Bridge:
God listen to me shout, I’m so far from anywhere and I’m calling out
Lead me, lead me to the rock that is higher than I
You’re my breath, You’re my breath, You’re my very life
Infinite, Holy King meets weak and frail Christ in me
And I will overcome not by my strength but by Your grace and love

One of my favorite blogs that I read is one written by Patrick Mead. His blog is called Tent Pegs. I try to read once or twice a week (with or without new content there). He writes in such a way which rings true in my heart. I strongly suggest that you put it on your to read list every week. His last two articles on his blog has hit me hard. Here is a summary of them:

“Decisions in Marriage“
You only own one thing: your power to decide. All your possessions can be taken from you by an army, an illness, or an attorney. Your health can disappear overnight. Your reputation can be trashed by your own behavior or by the entirely specious claims of another.

But you can always decide how you will react, what you will do.It goes on of course to discuss how you can make good decisions in dealing with your spouse, etc. The advise though works in all aspects of your life, the thing that always seem to forget is that reaction is not necessarily suppose to be an automatic thing. It can be thought out and it can be counter intuitive to what you initially want to do.

”The Secret“Want to have a happy life? Want to find joy even in the hard times? Here is the secret:

Like what you’ve got. Want what you have.
Both of these things are so simple they are difficult, but isn’t that always the case. In both cases the advise is so straightforward but takes a lot of effort to do. It is really only through God’s grace that we can do those things on a daily basis.

The last several weeks for me have been extremely stressful and worrisome. Most of it of course created in my own mind.

Thursday for me was a disaster, emotionally. I sat and anticipated what Friday was going to be like for me. My stress level raised, my anger level raised. I was ready to explode. I had a lot of work to do and I kept getting pulled away from it. The more I thought about Friday the more that angry and depressed I got. I thought about calling in sick and/or even quitting.

Friday morning came and I woke up. I definitely had the “dreads”. I sat down at my desk and prayed for just a minute or two and put an entry into my “Letter to the Lord” journal. I prayed for help to get through the day with a good attitude and do everything I can to serve him.

Between the prayer and the writing it was five minutes of work.

The difference between Thursday and Friday were definitely there. I was extremely busy, but my attitude and emotions stayed good. There were a few times where emotions tried to get a hold of me but the Peace of God overwhelmed them. I got a lot accomplished and I came out having a very good day.

It definitely showed me how important that time with God is.

One of the unspoken questions that I think my family has is why do I believe in Christ.

My answer is simple: God loves me.
(Sorry i stole that answer, but it is the perfect answer).

(I just hope you all know how hard it is for me to just leave the answer alone and not go off and write 5 pages on that!)

A friend of mine gave me a great idea. He said to start writing letters to God to tell him how you are doing, where you are at, etc. I think that is a phenomenal idea and will start doing that tonight, hopefully on a daily basis. These letters will be more personal between the Lord and I, and will not be published (for the most part).

I just thought what a wonderful way to communicate with the Lord!

Why is it that I listen to the serpent more than I listen to God? I turn to the world for answers that I know, that if I am lucky will only give me momentary relief, more than I turn to God, who has the ever right answers!

I am having one of those “duh” moments, where I realize what I am doing and just think to myself how stupid I am! This is a thought that has been percolating in my mind for the last couple of weeks, but finally hit the done stage.

Three of the big issues in my life are depression, anger, and pride in its many forms. I am realizing more and more these issues leaves me vulnerable to the world, to my flesh and to Satan’s attacks. I find the more intense my depression, anger or pride is, the deeper that my sin goes. The lower that I go.

What convicts me most is that I can see the process happening inside me. I can see the decision making process going from trying to be faithful to God and basking in His grace to deciding to sin. I MAKE A CONSCIOUS DECISION TO SIN, I know what I am doing. I realize just how faithless I am at times. It seems the more desperate I am, the further I run away from God. What is happening in my mind, is that I am justifying the sin by saying it is a way to get back at the “idiot” who I am mad at. All I am really doing is hurting my relationship with God, the other person doesn’t even know what is going on. This is exactly what the enemy wants, he wants us to be separated from God.

The more that this issue tumbles around in my mind the more that I realize that I am not the only one who does it and that maybe it started with Adam and Eve. Look at the verses from Genesis 2:25-3:10. Same pattern, exactly.

Genesis 2:25           The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

Genesis 3:2           The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

Genesis 3:4           “You will not surely die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5“For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

Genesis 3:6           When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 7Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

Genesis 3:8           Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. 9But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?”

Genesis 3:10           He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

Eve, was enticed by the serpent (world), would rather believe the serpent. She and Adam sinned against God and the time they needed God most, they hid. How sad it is that we started a pattern and that pattern has been imprinted on us ever since. The one person biblically speaking who continuously seemed to break the pattern was David. David definitely sin, but he also came back to the Lord over and over begging forgiveness and realizing how he doesn’t deserve God’s Grace. Psalm 51 is the one that I am thinking of.

Psalms 51:1           Have mercy on me, O God,
                according to your unfailing love;
        according to your great compassion
                blot out my transgressions.
2        Wash away all my iniquity
                and cleanse me from my sin.
3        For I know my transgressions,
                and my sin is always before me.
4        Against you, you only, have I sinned
                and done what is evil in your sight,
        so that you are proved right when you speak
                and justified when you judge.
5        Surely I was sinful at birth,
                sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6        Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
                you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

Psalms 51:7           Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
                wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8        Let me hear joy and gladness;
                let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9        Hide your face from my sins
                and blot out all my iniquity.

Psalms 51:10           Create in me a pure heart, O God,
                and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11        Do not cast me from your presence
                or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12        Restore to me the joy of your salvation
                and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Psalms 51:13           Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
                and sinners will turn back to you.
14        Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
                the God who saves me,
                and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15        O Lord, open my lips,
                and my mouth will declare your praise.
16        You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
                you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17        The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
                a broken and contrite heart,
                O God, you will not despise.

Psalms 51:18           In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
                build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19        Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
                whole burnt offerings to delight you;
                then bulls will be offered on your altar.

All I can do is keep trying to be more like David and remember the Lord when I am in crisis.

The blog is started, finally happy with the design and functionality. Be warned I will continue to adjust and tweak as time goes on. Some people say change is good. I guess we will find out.