I haven’t written much in here this week because I haven’t had much to say. I am struggling with a lot of things in my life and not conducive to good blog entries.

I am not very good at any of this stuff that God wants me to do. I don’t know how to be a friend. I don’t know how to be part of a family. I don’t know how to love. I don’t know… anything.

I am a creature of the dark, creature of the world. I know the rules and they are easy. Apathy and selfishness. I am good at that. I know what that is all about. I don’t have to think. I don’t have to care.

I crave the darkness. I crave my sin. I crave all the things that I do that goes against God. I am nothing, I am zilch, I don’t count. I am an afterthought. I am a failure. I want to run away from Him. I don’t want to serve Him…

I don’t want to serve Him… and fail Him.

The thing that stops me cold…

He did choose me. I don’t know why. He sees something that He can use. He not only chose me. He died for me.

Why does Christ want me? Why did He choose me?!? What good am I to him?

It doesn’t matter why he chose me. Only that He did…