“The greatest sorrow and burden you can lay on the Father, the greatest unkindness you can do to him, is not to believe that he loves you.”
John Owens “Communion with God”
It is going on five years since I have given my life over to Christ. The more that I learn, the more I understand, the more my faith grows in Jesus Christ. One of the things that I have struggled with over my time as a Christian is that God not only, so LOVED the world, but He so loved me, that he gave His only begotten Son… (John 3:16).
I have spent most of my life isolated from the world. Only in the last 5 years or so have I really started being a bit more social. I am not very good at relationships. I am not very good at having people close to me, I struggle on how to do relationships. In a lot of ways I am very immature when it comes to dealing with people. In a word I tend to be a misanthrope, far easier to avoid and hate everyone, than have to deal with people. It is hard enough for me now to believe that I have such quality people in my life. It is even harder for me to believe that these people would befriend, and even go further to love me and call me brother.
Though I have been a Christian for the last five years I could never wrap my mind around the fact that God loved me. Just like in my relationship with people I always take the cynical route. I just couldn’t believe for any reason that God really wanted me to be part of the Kingdom. I could certainly see why God loved others, but never could understand how he could me. I often sabotage myself to fulfill the self-proclaimed “prophesy”. Sometimes even sinning, just to thumb my nose at God, and to try to put up another barrier between God and myself. To be loved has always scared me.
Coming face to face with the “burning heart” of God has destroyed all pretense that the Love of God is only for those who are better than me. God’s Word says that in love he predestined us for adoption before the foundation of the world. God knows exactly who and what I am. He knows how I am going to succeed and how I am going to fail. He chose me anyway. He didn’t choose me because of who I am, but because of who He is. Though I am not a very good Christian, a slow learner, I want to live a life that honors and glorifies God. I want to learn to be holy and be sanctified and transform from one degree of glory to another.
It is through His promises that he makes out his great, passionate, steadfast love that sustains us on the trail of holiness. Even as I struggle through some of my darkest times of depression, His love is a beacon in the darkness.
His love has brought me from death to life, and if you let Him, He will do the same for you!
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